THE TRUTH ABOUT UNDEFINED RELATIONSHIPS THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

 I have been a single saved sister in the church for more than a decade and one scenario of heartbreak that I have seen wreck the hearts of many single women in the church is when they entangle themselves in an undefined relationship with a guy who has not made it official. I am talking about that scenario where a guy gets your number, starts calling and watsapping you. He picks you up and drops you off whenever you need transport, You are inseparable and most of your spare time is spent in this guy's company..You guys even pray together and share your dreams and visions and cannot go a day being apart from each other but he has not made it official. He even calls you pet names and maybe you have even met all his friends and family BUT he has not made his intentions known and so you have started making excuses for him that he is scared and he wants to be sure in the mean time since this non-commiter guy is always hogging your attention the guy who is really into you cannot even access you becoz you are engrossed in trying to get the non-committer to commit !!!! Does the scenario sound familiar to anyone? I used to think I was the only one who kept experiencing this until I read a Christian book by John and Stasi Elderidge entitled 'Captivating' who write “There is an emotional promiscuity we’ve noticed among many good young men and women. The young man understands something of the journey of the heart. He wants to talk, to “share the journey.” The woman is grateful to be pursued, she opens up. They share the intimacies of their lives - their wounds, their walks with God. But he never commits. He enjoys her... then leaves. And she wonders, What did I do wrong? She failed to see his passivity. He really did not ever commit or offer assurances that he would"

The long and the short of it is that undefined relationships may seem to be good and even look promising and yet the reality is the guy is just not into you but using you to pacify his emotional needs without necessarily committing to you...The end result is even though you may not have a sexual relationship you develop soul ties from spending too much time and sharing all your business and sharing too much . And then when the brother finds the woman he wants He will not delay in making his intentions known to the other woman and drop you immediately. I know the Ugly because it happened to me countless times and yet I did not heed the warnings that God gave me through friends.I made excuses ..I made myself available to someone who just wanted to pacify their loneliness and when they met their woman of their dreams I was left in the cold, dejected, humiliated and stripped of all the little self esteem I had and yet he had never defined the relationship and could argue and say "but I never told you or promised anything" so...to cut a long story short while I was in that valley of pain and tears from the disappointment the devil send Mr.Wrong who was not even saved into my life at that moment of dejection and the result was I became an unwed mother.....all because I allowed someone to play around with my feelings and opened my heart to someone who did not do the same....and the downward spiral began and I dated down on the rebound.

If there are any sisters in this type of a scenario I believe you have a right to ask what the guy wants from you and what exactly you are to him. If he is hogging your attention and calling etc for quite a while you better ask him. One things I have learned from most of my guy friends/brothers now is that guys always know even within the first month or so of meeting a girl whether or not they are going to pursue a relationship.What I am saying is place a high value on yourself as a woman standing on the Word of God, be accessible but not too available... dont devote all your spare time on someone who has not made their intentions known and dont play wife, by play wife I dont just mean sleeping with him, don't be cooking, doing laundry, and dont play partner and confidante to someone who has not committed I mean your DSTV doesnt let you watch more channels than you subscribe for so why give him special treatmeant if he hasnt committed to you? Treat him like any other brother in the church or in the office until he makes it official. Let the man earn the right to hog your time, to call you and share the journey of life with you first before giving him access to your heart. A friend has been sharing something so profound and I thought that it was profound... she says stop selling yourself short ..up your shareprice ..sistergirl, you are blue chip he cant just call u everytime he feels bored or low , call you at ungodly hours and disrupt your beauty sleep when he has not stated his intentions no, no, no...

I will close off with another quote from the book "Captivating" (which I highly recommend) by John and Stasi Elderidge who wrote that "Be careful you do not offer too much of yourself to a man until you have good, solid evidence that he is a strong man willing to commit. Look at his track record with other women. Is there anything to be concerned about there? If so, bring it up. Also, does he have any close male friends - and what are they like as men? Can he hold down a job? Is he walking with God in a real and intimate way? Is he facing the wounds of his own life, and is he also demonstrating a desire to repent of Adam’s passivity and/or violence? Is he headed somewhere with his life? A lot of questions, but your heart is a treasure, and we want you to offer it only to a man who is worthy and ready to handle it well.”

Proverbs 4:23 Amplified "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."

Proverbs 4;23 New Living Translation "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."

All the singles ladies!!! - Qualities to look for in a godly mate

JOSEPH
Mat 1:18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.
Mat 1:19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.
Mat 1:24 Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife:

ABRAHAM
Gen 17:5 Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made thee.
Gen 18:19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
Gen 18:23 And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?
Gen 22:3 And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.


BOAZ
Rth 2:1 And Naomi had a kinsman of her husband's, a mighty man of wealth, of the family of Elimelech; and his name was Boaz.
Rth 2:3 And she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers: and her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech.
Rth 2:11 And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore.
Rth 2:12 The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.
Rth 2:13 Then she said, Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine handmaid, though I be not like unto one of thine handmaidens.
Rth 2:14 And Boaz said unto her, At mealtime come thou hither, and eat of the bread, and dip thy morsel in the vinegar. And she sat beside the reapers: and he reached her parched corn, and she did eat, and was sufficed, and left.
Rth 2:15 And when she was risen up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, Let her glean even among the sheaves, and reproach her not:
Rth 2:16 And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not.

My sisters, I had to lay the foundation to my article hence the scriptures outline. Do bear with me, we will land very shortly!

My mind just wondered , Lord, what is your will for single women who love you and sort of relationship or marital destiny do you have in store for them? Whoosh! Like a movie in a five second fast-forward, these men I listed above flashed through my mind. I went quiet and got the full gist from the teacher Himself. How many of us (me included) go to the bible when we tender to God the list of the qualities we want in a man? Every woman above the age of 21 knows exactly the kind of man she wants to marry, or at least she has the 10 top qualities she wants in her future husband listed out at this age. My question is: “where did this list come from?” Is it from romance movies or novels; is it from TV shows, or do you ask God to give you a man based on physical attributes only? (Oh believe me, we do!). Have you ever opened the bible and listed all the men who lived their lives for God, pick at least six of them that you identify with and tell God, now these are the qualities I want in my man? Have we ever done this? Let’s be very honest with ourselves. This is a very serious issue. Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make your entire life (the most important being the salvation of your soul).

I cast my mind back to my university days. In our dorm room, we would sit and talk about the type of man we want to marry. The list as far as I can remember goes like this:
1. Tall, dark, rich and handsome (TDRH) First on the list!
2. Then all other qualities can follow!
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing absolutely wrong with TDRH. Wisdom is profitable to direct. Amen. The problem is when we just stop at TDRH and never for once open the bible to read and check out the qualities of the men who fought and won battles for God, then came home to love, cherish and provide for their wives and household.

Let’s go over these four men as it was given to me by the Spirit of God. Don’t limit yourself to these four only, the list is exhaustive. From Genesis to Revelation, there are loads of TDRH, spiritually discerned men you can pick and study his life. There is Daniel, Shadrach, Meschach, Abednego; there is Peter, John, Andrew, there is King David, (Oh yes.. King David..don’t focus on the adultery..rather focus on his good qualities..he is a true worshiper of God and a strong warrior, he is a true friend, he is kind and loves his children..remember also that God called him a man after His own Heart). There’s Samuel, Solomon, Noah, Moses, Joshua, Caleb, Elijah & Elisha and Jacob, who worked liked a slave for fourteen years for Rachel, the list goes on and on.

The first man we will examine is Joseph in Matthew 1:18-25, Mary’s husband – Joseph who the bible calls a just man. In those days in Israel, under the Mosaic Law, if a girl was found pregnant and was not married, she would be stoned to death and her family would be put to shame. So when Joseph found out Mary was pregnant, he was supposed to run screaming to the priests. But he just decided within himself to break off their engagement quietly so no one would find out. As he was contemplating the best way he would do this, God’s angel spoke to Him in a dream. Joseph obeyed God and offered love and kindness to Mary without thinking twice! He proved to be a man of men, strong and dependable. He stood as a father, brother, caregiver and a husband for both Mary and her unborn child.

Looking at Joseph with new eyes, I have a witness in my spirit that every single woman who has an issue she wants/ needs covering for should have Joseph listed at the very top of her list not a Tall,DRH. Every woman who has a past, or an issue and needs a husband-defender, you better get on your knees and ask God for a Joseph. Because Joseph will listen to God’s voice and protect you. Joseph will stay with you and take you to your place of birthing (your bethlehem)and help deliver Jesus who he did not father and give what you have a birthed a name and identity. Joseph will wait till you have fulfilled God’s will (giving birth to Jesus) before asking for his own needs to be met (Oh I feel the Holy Spirit moving on my finger-tips as I type!!) Your prayer night and day should be Lord, like you found Joseph for Mary, who stood by her and protected her from untimely death and covered her up, I ask and trust that you will also provide a Joseph for me as well. Joseph is kind, gentle; strong and dependable. He is a provider and he is matured to a very high degree. Joseph has got a very healthy dose of self-control. According to bible history, he did not touch Mary sexually until she had given birth to Jesus. Now is that a husband material or what! Tell me something I don’t know sisters.

Next is Abraham, faithful Abraham, God’s friend. You know if Sarah had not offered Hagar to him, he most probably would never have impregnated another woman! And he had every means and every opportunity to. He was very wealthy. He could have any woman he wanted. But he practically worshipped the ground on which Sarah walked on, barren or not. When Sarah says jump, he says how high? (Lol!) Sarah says sleep with Hagar, he did. Sarah says Hagar insulted me, Abraham says “slap the insolence out of her (hahahahaha!!)”. This is Hagar who is pregnant with the child he has been waiting for all his life, yet because SARAH was not happy, he told her to treat Hagar anyway she wanted. The bible says he told Sarah – she is your maid, not my wife! Sarah says banish Hagar and her son, at first, he hesitated, then Sarah got God to back her up, he did! He just loved Sarah to bits. Abraham is rock solid faithful, dependable and wait for it is coming, he is TALL DARK RICH AND HANDSOME (TDRH). He had every opportunity to forsake Sarah, especially after fathering Ishmael but he didn’t. He was stuck to her like everlasting super-glue. Oh.. are you still sitting reading this? You have not yet hit the floor and call forth your Abraham wherever he is? You know, most women don’t like their husbands talking with other women. But there are some women who can’t even stand the thought of their husbands being with someone else except them. Don’t worry. God feels you. He will provide you with your very own Abraham who will love you more than anything. Abraham will look at your ninety-year old body and still call you his sweet sixteen. (Ok ..some theology here now...I believe when God changed their Abraham and Sarah's names, their bodies also metamorphosed into younger bodies. The thought of a 100 yr-old man and a 90 yr-old woman making love is simply eeeeeeeuuuwwww!!)

And now, for my favourite husband in the bible, Boaz. The bible says Boaz is a mighty man of wealth..hmm..we like..another Tall, Dark, Rich and Handsome! What I love about this marriage is how God orchestrated their meeting and brought them together. In the first place, it would have been very awkward for Boaz, who is a very wealthy man, a man of stature and repute in the city to propose to a Moabite widow girl who just came into town (You know the Israelites can be very snobbish about preserving their culture and heritage! Mixed marriages were severely frowned upon). So now, Ruth went scavenging for food (Oh yes..Boaz found her hard at work, bent down in the most undignified position ever, picking up droppings of food from his field. He didn’t see her in a designer suit and heels, make-up all done, everything in place. He found her practically begging for food and from that minute, the Spirit of God started moving. God showed me a sneak preview of what happened here. Do you remember how Adam started blessing Eve the moment he set eyes on her? Come on now! That was exactly what happened when Boaz set his eyes on Ruth. If you read from Ruth 2: 8-13, oh..the guy prayed and blessed Ruth as if he was the chief priest himself! Secondly, Boaz happened to be a kinsman to Elimelech, so by law, he is actually doing a good deed and preserving the seed of the dead by marrying Ruth. End of story!

The story of Boaz and Ruth has a very important significance especially for women who have moved to trust God in one way or the other. By so doing, they honoured God and God will surely move and honour them in a biggest way possible! Ruth trusted in a God that seemed to have abandoned her mother-in-law. She left her familiar surroundings and followed her mother-in-law to unfamiliar terrain. The minute she told her mother-in-law in Ruth1: 16 – 17 “ Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me"; God was stirred up and He went ahead of her and prepared a place for her in Boaz’s home. All she went out to look for was food for herself and her mother-in-law. She came back married to probably the wealthiest man in town! (OK OK..it didn’t exactly happen that fast, but you get my drift!).

So dear sister, whip out your bible and go looking for a husband between those pages. Who says you can’t find a husband in the bible? Every book of the bible must have one. If you want a King, pick your choice from David, Solomon, King Ahasuerus (Esther’s husband). If you want a wise man, you can have your pick from King Solomon, Daniel, Paul, Abraham, Jacob. If you want a father, brother, friend and husband all-in-one, pick Joseph. If you want your husband to pant after your love, pick from Abraham and Jacob. If you want a strong man, Joshua and Caleb. The list is exhaustive. You can make it as long as you want. Start from Genesis down to Revelations. Ask the Holy Spirit to help as you search the scriptures regarding this very important part of your life.

And remember, we are not to go out looking for him ourselves physically. Our duty here is search the scriptures diligently, make a list, tender it before God and leave the rest up to Him. He will position us in such a way that it will be a perfect work. Look at what He did for Ruth..my goodness! She wasn’t dressed to impress or anything, she was just going about her own business, looking for what to eat.

This is a very resourceful tool/exercise for women’s bible study groups, women’s cell groups etc. Please feel very free to share and pass along. Freely have we received, freely give I would love to hear from you!

Please send me your comments and whatever lists you came up with for what man in the bible so I can add to my research. Email address is: joycea75@gmail.com

God's design for Companionship

God’s people often find it difficult meeting the right person to share their lives with. As the years go by they meet many people, but don’t seem to truly connect with anyone, and that can cause some alarm bells to go off. The perception that there is nobody out there that will be a suitable match, or that God does not intend for them to be married, can then easily get a foothold in their hearts.

However, God said in Gen 2:18: “It is not good for the man to live alone. I will make him a suitable companion”. This is a general statement made by God Himself, by which He declared that a man should have a wife (and by implication that a woman should have a husband). It is true that some people have a special gift to be single, like Paul said he had, but then those people will be content with their state of singleness. This gift is very rare, and God gives it to people who have special callings in His kingdom, like Paul who was a traveling Evangelist. In Paul’s case having a wife and kids would have been very difficult, and for that purpose God gave him this special ability to be content with his singleness. However, if someone feels a desire to be united with another, then it is generally correct to believe that God intends for that person to be married. People who doubt that God has a suitable companion for them, but they feel a definite desire to have a spouse, should feel encouraged by this statement of God in Gen 2. If one truly desires not to be alone, then God wants to fulfill that desire. God is a loving father, and it is not in His character to put a desire in a person’s heart, and then take pleasure in torturing that person by withholding fulfillment of that desire.

The story of Adam and Eve in Gen 2 provides wonderful insight in how God intends to provide a spouse to every one of His children. The way God brought Eve into Adam’s life, illustrates general principles which we can learn from. Adam and Eve’s love story began by God’s declaration in Gen 2:18 that it is not good for the man to be alone, and that He Himself will make a plan to bring someone into Adam’s life. However, immediately after this declaration, the story seems to change. In verse 19 the Bible explains how God created all the animals, and brought them to Adam in order for him to name them all. At that point Adam already had a desire to have somebody, and although God promised a suitable companion, God didn’t bring Eve immediately into his life. Instead, God gave him a job to do first. God intended for Adam to have dominion over his environment. This is confirmed in Gen 1:26 where God said that He would make human beings, and that they would have power over the fish, birds and animals. I believe this says to us that God wants for a man to have his life under control, to be settled, mature, and stable in his ways, before he can have a wife. A basic need that every woman has, is to feel safe with her man. He must be able to provide security for her in many ways. For Adam, the journey to reach this point of dominion, was to name the animals. To (us) modern men, maturity and dominion may mean different things, for instance to have a stable job and income, to be established as a man of God with principles, not to be selfish, etc. When a man is alone and cannot seem to find a partner, it may be a good thing for him to take a good look at his life and ask himself some tough questions. Questions like “Am I stable, mature, responsible, and a man of principle and values according to God’s will and intention for my life, or am I just drifting along????”

After Adam named the animals (or in our terms, grew up and became mature), the Bible says in verse 20 that Adam still didn’t find a suitable companion. That says something about him actively looking for someone special during the process he went through, but none of the animals were suitable to fulfill his needs, and that left him frustrated. In fact, Adam didn’t know what he was looking for, because up to that point (of his life) Adam had never seen a woman. He just knew he had a deep desire for someone special, but he couldn’t even define his own needs, because he had nobody or nothing as point of reference in order to understand his own desires. He longed for somebody, but he didn’t know exactly what she should be like. He also might have felt he has done everything God expected of him, and still nothing has happened. This is the frustration of many Christian men (and women). After they have walked in God’s ways, and have been obedient to His calling for them in this world, they still experience this emptiness, and don’t know how to resolve the problem. They may meet many people, but none seem to be compatible. Even when they are attracted to somebody on different levels, they still don’t seem to connect with that person in a way that their hearts truly desire. When a man (or a woman) feels this frustration, it is wise to go to God and acknowledge his or her dependence on Him to provide the right person. After all, He made the promise to bring someone suitable into their lives, which means He took that responsibility on Himself. It is important to understand that we do not depend on ourselves, and that without God’s intervention, the true connection we desire is not going to happen.

In verse 21 we see how God intervened. The verse says God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, God did the unthinkable. He took a rib from Adam and formed a woman out of the rib. The sleep that Adam experienced implies a state of total rest. It is essential to reach a place of rest in God, and by doing that, we allow him to bring that suitable companion to us. We can frustrate ourselves tremendously in our own efforts to find the right partner, but God wants us to trust Him enough to go to sleep on the matter. However, to sleep on the matter does not mean being passive. One can only rest in God if one truly has faith that God will perform a miracle, but having faith also means to be attentive to the voice of God, and being ready to act when prompted by the Holy Spirit. When Samuel anointed Saul as king over Israel, he told him very specific things that God wanted Saul to know and what he should do, but at one point he simply said to him “…do whatever God leads you to do” (1 Sam 10:7). Samuel released Saul to act in faith when the moment for acting presented itself. If we can rest in Him, knowing He will fulfill His promise, then God normally starts working on our behalf, but at some point we will experience like Saul that God leads us to do something, and to reach out to somebody. We must keep our eyes on God and not on our goal to find a partner. When we do that, we will rest in Him, and then we will be able to distinguish His voice from other voices inside (like desperation, obsession and frustration), and as a result we will be able to move when God wants us to move. Until we feel God prompts us to act in faith to reach out to somebody, it is perfectly okay to meet new people, and to “scan the horizon” for that someone special, as long as we realize that we cannot depend on our own judgment. We have to be lead by God, and we have to wait on Him all the time.

Eventually the miracle happened for Adam - God brought Eve to him. In verse 23 Adam called out “At last, here is one of my own kind – bone taken from my bone and flesh from my flesh”. Adam was clearly very pleased with Eve. He didn’t know any woman before he met her, but the moment he met her, he recognized her as the one he was looking for. The reason was that God took her from something close to his heart (his rib). A man and woman should be connected at the level of their hearts more than anything else. Often God puts desires and dreams and likes and dislikes and gifts in a person’s heart. To truly connect with another, those same characteristics or at least an appreciation for those characteristics must be in the other person’s heart too. It is for instance impossible for a Christian to be truly united with a non-Christian, or to be united with someone with totally different dreams, values or lifestyle. Adam recognized Eve because she was like him. She was taken from him, and he recognized his own flesh and bone in her. A man and woman can only love one another deeply, if they can see a reflection of themselves in the other person. This does not necessarily mean two people must be exactly the same in every aspect, but it does mean that the other person must be able to value what they value, being able to share and understand their joy and sorrow, and support them in everything, and have common goals in life. There is a lot of truth in the saying that birds of the same feather, flock together. Don’t fall for someone with a heart totally different from your own.

The last thing worthy of mention regarding Adam and Eve’s love story, is found in verse 24 where the Bible says “… and they became one”. This is God’s heart for us. He wants for us to experience what it means to be fully united with another, to such extend that we act and live and think as if we are one. Total harmony between two people is only possible if God is involved in the relationship. Trust the promise of God. Believe that He has a suitable companion for you. Rest in Him. Allow Him to bring him or her into your life. He will not disappoint you.

Written by Hennie Viljoen

God is waiting …(written by a male)

When one is alone, it is natural to desire a partner – a husband or wife to share your life with. The good news is that God wants this for us, even more than we do, because He loves us. He has made us in such a way that we all have a desire to be united with another, and it is logical to conclude that since He has put the desire in us for a partner, that it is His will to fulfil that desire.

Is 30:18 says “The LORD is waiting to be merciful to you. He is ready to take pity on you because he always does what is right. Happy are those who put their trust in the LORD. “

The question is, Why is the Lord waiting? What is He waiting for? Why can’t He just be merciful to us and bless us with the desires of our hearts, especially when we as Christians take our desires to Him? Why is it sometimes so difficult for His children to find someone to be united with, while the Lord said Himself in Gen 2:18 "It is not good for the man to live alone, I will make a suitable companion to help him."?

Our verse says He is ready to take pity on us, yet it says He is waiting. God is eager to bless us, but we are not always ready to receive His blessings. The fact that the verse says the Lord is waiting, means He wants something specific to happen before the blessings can flow. A clue to what that “Something” is, is found in the last part of the verse: “Happy are those who put their trust in the Lord.” What does it mean to truly put our trust in Him? God wants us to turn to Him like a sunflower to the sun, meaning we should focus on Him and experience Him as our fulfilment in life. He wants us to absorb His rays of warmth and love, like a sunflower absorbs the rays of the sun. God knows we will never be truly happy if we only get what we want when we want it without Him being our deepest fulfilment. He wants us to search His face and not only His hand, meaning we must not only go to God to ask Him for things, but we must go to Him to enjoy Him for who He is. When we are able to focus on Him for Himself, and love being in His presence, we will also experience that a true expectation of genuine faith starts to grow in us. We will then know with certainty that He has something great up His sleeve for us. That expectation (genuine trust) only comes as a result of being close to Him, and hearing His heart.

Ps 37:4 says “Seek your happiness in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desire.” This is the key. As long as we seek our happiness in another human being, and believe having someone special is the ultimate happiness, we are not yet ready for God to show up and do what both He and us desires, namely to be merciful to us, and bless us with partners.

It can be hard to just wait on God, and look up to Him, and enjoy Him, when there is a burning desire inside for a partner. What should we do when we realize we are not making God our first priority, and we don’t experience Him as our ultimate fulfilment? Should we despair because we are not where we should be to receive His blessings? NO! When we realize this, we must simply go to God and acknowledge this fact. We should tell Him we love Him, but our heart’s desires overwhelm us and makes it difficult to put Him first. When we do that, Ps 84:11 says “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” When we admit we are not fully focussed on Him, we are actually being sincere (walking uprightly), and then we can expect grace like the first part of the verse says. Sometimes we need grace (Gods unmerited favour or help) to get to the place where God wants us to be, in order for Him to be able to bless us. We cannot make it on our own to be perfect Christians. God does not expect perfection, but a sincere heart. We should just be honest when we realize our focus is not fully on Him, and He will release His grace and pull us closer to Him, and then we will find that He will not withhold good things from us.

Written by Hennie Viljoen

Love Versus Infatuation

There is a book by Gordon O. Martinborough simply entitled "I LOVE YOU". It is a book that deals on how to deal on the struggles of relationships - marriage, parent-teen relationship, love affair. It is a book that best connects human relationships with the Divine relationships with God. When our relationship with God is in trouble, definitely our human relationships are or will be in great danger, as well. It also deals with ways on how to deepen our love relationship with the Greatest Lovern Jesus Christ who loved us before we loved Him.
There is a chapter in this book that differentiates infatuation from love. Everyone of us seek for genuine love and the most common question is "could that ever be true love?" And being human at times we will develops crushes/infatuation ...the teaching in the book helps us test our feelings for someone and helps us identify our feelings as either infatuation or love, when we know its infatuation we then know we need to face it, deal with and move on and if it is indeed love seek God's counsel and direction till we get clearance from God.

1. Infatuation is ruled by feelings, but LOVE is feelings ruled by principle

Love is not composed of feelings only. It is feelings plus principles. In true love, feelings are under the control of principles. The principles are clearly asserted and outlined in the book of Corinthians chapter 13.

Read Corinthians 13:4-7
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

"Love never fails" (v.8)

2. Infatuation is blind, but LOVE sees and examines

While infatuation cannot see and do not wish too see, true love uses its eyes to see and to examine the strengths and weaknesses of the prospective partner.

Read Mark 8:18

"Do you have eyes, but fail to see."

3. Infatuation is in a hurry, but LOVE takes time

Everything of a permanent value in life takes time. As the famous line goes... true love takes time - time to know and time to grow.

Read Ephesians 4:15
"But speaking truth in love, we may grow up in all things into him, who is the head, even Christ"

God expects couples in love to "grow-up".

4. Infatuation is obsessed with externals, but LOVE is concerned with internals

True love is concerned with the personality, the kind of person the partner really is. It pays attention to the character, the inner self. While there has to be attraction ...true love is not only concerned with the triceps and biceps and coca cola shaped Beyonce typed figures as these are temporary.

Read 1 Samuel 16:1

"Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."


5. Infatuation is childish, but LOVE is mature

Infatuation is self-centered but true love is "other-centered". This is one of the most difficult thing to do because we tend to focus on ourselves, on our emotions, and wants. But love is concerned with the welfare of one's partner. It is a self-sacrifice that is given freely without expecting something in return.

Read 1 Corinthians 13:11

It has "put childish ways behind."

6. Infatuation is a human ditch but
LOVE is a divine ladder
It should be clear to us that we do not "fall" in love, we "climb" on to love. Every person has the freedom to choose between the tragedy of one and the triumph of the other! In most cases of arguments, it is important that one goes down, the other goes up.

DATING VS COURTSHIP

HELLO SINGLED OUT AND FAVOURED ONES!!

"BEING A SINGLE CHRISTIAN WHO HAS DATED MANY MANY TIMES AND EXPERIENCED THE BROKEN HEART , THE WRENCHING EMPTINESS AND THE HORROR OF REJECTION AFTER HAVING BEEN SEEN AT ALL THE SOCIAL GATHERINGS WITH A CERTAIN SOMEONE AND STILL BUMPING INTO THAT SOMEONE AT THE SAME SOCIAL GATHERINGS WE USED TO GO ,WITH THEIR NEW MATE WHO IS LIKELY TO BE THE NEXT VICTIM OF REJECTION THROUGH THE TRIAL AND ERROR METHOD OF FINDING A MARRIAGE PARTNER (DATING).I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN DATING AND HAVE COME TO A CONCLUSION THAT IT IS NOT GOD'S PATTERN, WE CERTAINLY DO NOT HEAR OF IT IN THE BIBLE UNLESS OFF COURSE I MISSED THE PAGE.I BELIEVE THAT THE BIBLICAL DESIGN WOULD BE FRIENDSHIP, COURTSHIP AND THEN MARRIAGE.FRIENDSHIP IS TWO PEOPLE WALKING TOGETHER IN AGREEMENT AND ACCOUNTABILTY, LEARNING AND GROWING TOGETHER.
COURTSHIP FOLLOWS THE MUTUAL AGREEMENT TO COMMIT TO ONE ANOTHER EXCLUSIVELY-IT IS THE DECISIVE TURNING TOWARD THE AGREED UPON GOAL OF THE MARRIAGE ALTAR.
A MAIN EXCUSE FOR DATING IS THAT PEOPLE GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER, BUT THERE ARE WAYS OF GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE HAVING COMMITED TO A RELATIONSHIP AND YET NOT HAVING THE FULL INTENTION OF MARRYING.THERE ARE HOUSEGROUPS OR KINSHIPS, YOUTH MEETINGS, CAMPS OUTREACHS PLACES WHERE WE CAN FORM MANY FRIENDSHIPS AND JUST BEING PART OF A FAMILY YOU LEARN HOW THE OPPOSITE SEX ARE LIKE FROM THE WAY YOU RELATE TO ALL THE BROTHERS OR SISTERS IN YOUR HOUSEGROUP , THIS IS A MUCH SAFER WAY SINCE YOU CANNOT GET HURT OR DECEIVED ,BECAUSE FOR A GUY TO PUT UP AN ACT WHILE IN A HOUSEGROUP HE WILL NOT GET FAR AND EVENTUALLY THE TRUTH WILL OUT, BUT IF YOU ARE DATING THERE IS AN AIR OF FALSE PRETENSE AND WANTING TO BE WHAT ONE IS NOT. IN THE PURE RELATIONSHIPS I HAVE FORMED WITH THE BROTHERS IN MY CHURCH I HAVE LEARNED A LOT MORE ABOUT GUYS THAN I LEARNT IN MY PAST DATING RELATIONSHIPS.THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO KNOW A GUY THAN IN A CHURCH SETTING BECAUSE YOU LEARN WHAT TYPE OF A PERSON HE IS BY THE WAY HE TALKS AND TREATS EVERYONE IN THE CHURCH, THE WAY HE HANDLES PRESSURE LIKE EXPERIENCING A CRISIS LIKE HIS GUITAR STRING BREAKING AS HE IS IN THE MIDDLE OF LEADING WORSHIP.
DATING IN A WAY IS TRYING TO HELP GOD FIND YOUR MATE WHEN HE IS CAPABLE OF BRINGING YOUR MATE RIGHT ON YOUR DOORSTEP.HE WILL EVEN SEND AN ANGEL BEFORE YOU AS YOU SELECT YOUR MATE LIKE HE DID FOR ISAAC IN GENESIS 24: 7.AFTER HAVING FORMED MANY FRIENDSHIPS AS YOU FELLOWSHIP, ONE CAN DEVELOP STRONG FEELINGS FOR A CERTAIN SISTER OR BROTHER BECAUSE THEY HAVE REALISED THAT THEY HAVE THE SAME VISION FOR GOD BUT THEY ARE TO WAIT UNTIL THEY GET CLEARANCE FROM GOD.WHEN ONE HAS CLEARANCE AND GOT SOLID CONFIRMATION AND BOTH PARTIES HAVE HEARD FROM GOD THEY CAN THEN COMMIT TO COURTSHIP TOWARDS MARRIAGE.WHY SHOULD ONE WANT TO DATE AT THE AGE OF SIXTEEN WHEN THEY ARE NOT READY TO GET MARRIED?WHY SHOULD SOMEONE TRY THIS TRIAL AND ERROR METHOD WHEN THEY CAN HEAR FROM GOD WITHOUT HAVING TO FACE HEARTBREAK?DATING TO ME IS AN ATTRIBUTE OF COURTSHIP BECAUSE WHEN ONE IS IN COURTSHIP THEY ARE COMMITED AND THEREFORE CAN ATTEND ALL SOCIAL EVENTS TOGETHER AND SPEND A LOT OF TIME ALONE BECAUSE IT IS A PERIOD OF LAYING A FOUNDATION AND PREPARING THEIR LIFE TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE.WHEN ONE CHOOSES TO DATE THEY ARE TAKING AN ATTRIBUTE THAT IS WELL INTENDED FOR PEOPLE THAT ARE WORKING TOWARDS MARRIAGE.ANOTHER THING THAT BAFFLES ME IS THAT IF DATING IS A MEANS OF GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE THEN WHY DO PEOPLE WHO ARE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER END UP BEING SEXUALLY INVOLVED? A LADY ONCE SAID THAT A GIRL'S HEART AND I ALSO BELIVE A GUYS' HEART TOO IS LIKE A PIECE OF A4 PAPER, THE FIRST PERSON THEY DATE BREAKS THEIR HEART AND TAKES HALF OF THEIR HEART, THE NEXT PERSON ALSO COMES AND TAKES HALF OF THE REMAINING HALF, THE CYCLE GOES ON TILL THE FINAL TINY LITTLE HALF BROKEN HEART AND THIS THEN ENDS UP BEING GIVEN TO THE ONE GOD HAS CHOSEN.WHEN WE FINALLY GET TO THE ONE GOD HAS CHOSEN AFTER DATING ZILLION TIMES WE ARE NOT SO VULNERABLE AND AS LOVING AS WE OUGHT TO BE TO THE PERSON.

I DECIDED TO STOP DATING TWO YEARS AGO BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT MY HEART TO KEEP ON BEING TORN, IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY AND OF COURSE I GET CRUSHES LIKE EVERYBODY DOES BUT UNTIL GOD SHOWS ME MY FUTURE HUSBAND AND UNTIL HE LEADS MY HUSBAND TO ME I WILL ENJOY BEING SINGLE NO MORE GUESSING, NO MORE TRIAL AND ERROR RELATIONSHIPS I WANT MY NEXT RELATIONSHIP TO BE THE ONE THAT LEADS TO MARRIAGE BECAUSE WE WILL BOTH HAVE GOD'S HAND UPON OUR RELATIONSHIP."

THE ANNUNCIATION-BASED ON LUKE 1:26-56

I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE ALL YOU SINGLES A WARM WELCOME TO "SINGLED OUT FOR GOD'S PURPOSE" MINISTRIES .THIS IS WHERE WE SINGLES GET TO FELLOWSHIP, SHARE PROBLEMS AND HELP TO COME UP WITH SOLUTIONS, WHERE WE ARE GOING TO FAN INTO FLAME THOSE GIFTS THAT HAVE BEEN QUENCHED OUT DUE TO MANY REASONS MAYBE DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A SINGLE MOTHER, OR THAT YOU ARE PAST SOCIETY'S RIGHT MARRIAGE AGE. WHATEVER THE CAUSE OF THAT GOD WANTS TO FAN INTO FLAME THOSE GIFTS,GOD WANTS TO DO SOME MAJOR HEALING WORK IN US, HE WANTS TO DEAL WITH THE MINDSETS THAT WE HAVE THAT WE CANNOT BE EFFECTIVELY USED BECAUSE WE ARE SINGLE.HE WANTS US TO KNOW THAT WHEN THE HOLY SPIRIT COME S UPON US WE CONCEIVE A SEED OF GREATNESS AND SO BECOME PREGNANT WITH HIS PURPOSE.SOME OF YOU ARE GOING TO CONCEIVE DURING THIS MINISTRY , SOME OF YOU ARE ASKING GOD 'HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO CARRY OUT THOSE GREAT EXPOITS WHEN I AM SINGLE?
HOW CAN I GIVE COUNSEL TO A MARRIED COUPLE HAVING PROBLEMS WHEN I AM NOT MARRIED? HOW CAN JOIN THE WORSHIP TEAM WHEN EVERYONE KNOWS I AM A SINGLE MOTHER?
I HAVE BEEN DOING A DEEP STUDY OF MARY THE MOTHER OF JESUS AND SHE IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE WHO GOD SINGLED FOR HIS PURPOSE.MARY WAS YOUNG AND SINGLE BUT OBVIOUSLY HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER GOD AND LIVED A LIFE OF WORSHIP SO GOD BYPASSED THE FACT THAT SHE WAS YOUNG AND SINGLE AND CHOSE HER TO GIVE BIRTH TO HIS PURPOSE OF SALVATION(JESUS).GOD COULD HAVE CHOSEN ELIZABETH WHO WAS OLDER, WISER BY WORLDLY STANDARDS, AND ALSO EVEN MARRIED TO A PRIEST TO GIVE BIRTH TO HIS HOLY PURPOSE BUT HE SINGLED OUT SINGLE MARY JUST LIKE HE HAS SINGLED YOU AND ME OUT FOR HIS HOLY PURPOSE.MARY BECAUSE SHE HAD THE SAME MINDSET WE ALL HAVE ASKED HOW IT COULD BE WHEN SHE DID NOT KNOW A MAN.AND GOD'S REPLY TO MARY AND YOU AND I WAS THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT WOULD COME UPON HER AND THAT THE POWER FROM THE HIGHEST WOULD OVERSHADOW HER AND SHE WOULD GIVE BIRTH TO A SON, AND FOR US TOO HE HAS A PURPOSE THAT HE HAS CHOSEN US TO GIVE BIRTH TO- MAYBE IT'S A HEALING MINISTRY, A WOMEN'S MINISTRY OR EVANGELISM WHATEVER IT IS GOD WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU AND TELL YOU WHAT IT IS HE WANTS YOU TO GIVE BIRTH TO BUT THE OLD MINDSETS NEED TO BE DROPPED SO WE CAN GET TO A PLACE WHERE WE CAN SINCERELY SAY 'BE IT UNTO ME ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD' THERE IS A BLESSING THAT COME FROM CHOOSING TO BELIEVE GOD THAT WITH HIM NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE AND THAT ALTHOUGH YOU ARE UNMARRIED YOU WILL GIVE BIRTH, LIKE ELIZABETH SAID ABOUT MARY 'BLESSED IS SHE WHO BELIEVED ,FOR THERE WILL BE A FULFILLMENT OF THOSE THINGS WHICH WERE TOLD HER FROM THE LORD'.IT IS TIME TO BELIEVE THOSE PROPHETIC WORDS THAT WERE SPOKEN IN YOUR LIFE BUT YOU HAD PUSHED THEM AT THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD BECAUSE ' IT IS NOT YET TIME AND I AM NOT YET MARRIED AND NOT MATURE ENOUGH 'YOU HAD TOLD YOURSELF. AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY ONLY WORLDLY MEN APPROACH YOU AND NO GODLY MAN HAS FELT AN INSTINCT TO COVER YOU AND PROTECT YOU LIKE JOSEPH DID WHEN MARY FELL PREGNANT ITS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT WITH THE DESIRES AND PURPOSE THAT GOD WANT TO PLANT INSIDE OF YOU BUT YOU'VE BEEN TELLING GOD THAT ITS JUST NOT POSSIBLE WHEN IN ACTUAL FACT ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD..
I BELIEVE THE LORD WANTS TO TAKE US THROUGH A PROCESS, HE'S NOT GONNA RUSH US BUT TAKE US STEP BY STEP SOME COZ SOME OF US ARE STILL IN THE QUESTIONING STAGE THAT MARY STARTED OFF ON.THEN HE WILL LEAD US TO THE EMPOWERING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT AND THE CONCEPTION . THEN FROM THERE HE WILL LEAD US TO THE PREGNANCY AND EXPECTANT STAGE .IN THAT PREGNANT STAGE SOME OF US WILL ATTRACT AND CAUSE A GODLY MANY LIKE JOSEPH TO WANT TO COVER AND PROTECT US AND THEREFORE MARRY US.THIS GODLY HUSBAND WILL LEAD YOU SPIRITUALLY TO A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN THEN GIVE BIRTH TO GOD'S HOLY PURPOSE AND THEN WHEN YOU DO GIVE BIRTH WILL LOVE AND NURTURE THAT WHICH YOU BIRTH TOGETHER WITH YOU AS THOUGH IT WERE HIS OWN PURPOSE LIKE JOSEPH DID WITH MARY.
I AM NOT GOING TO SAY MUCH BUT I ENCOURAGE YOU TO REALLY SIT AND MEDITATE ON WHAT I HAVE BEEN SHARING ON.ALLOW THE LORD TO SHOW WHAT SORT OF MINDSETS HAVE BEEN HOLDING YOU BACK FROM BELIEVING WHAT HE SAID HE WOULD ACCOMPLISH THROUGH YOU AND THEN WITH THE HELP OF THE HOLY SPIRIT DEAL WITH THOSE MINDSETS AND DROP THEM.MAYBE SOME OF YOU HAVE RRIVED AT THE BELIEVING STAGE AND ARE READY TO SAY TO GOD 'MAY IT BE TO ME AS YOU HAVE SAID.'SOME OF YOU AGAIN ARE IN THE CONCEPTION STAGE AND SOME OF YOU MIGHT ALREADY BE PREGNANT AND ARE EXPECTING TO GIVE BIRTH ANY TIME SOON.WHATEVER STAGE YOU ARE AT GOD IS AT WORK AND WILL BRING TO COMPLETION WHAT HE STARTED THE DAY HE CHOSE YOU.

MAY YOU ALL BE BLESSED AND MAY THAT SEED OF GREATNESS THAT IS IN ALL OF YOU COME ALIVE IN JESUS' NAME